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It's a Rat Flail!
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« on: July 30, 2010, 01:21:21 AM » |
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I decided to do a unique critique style feedback for the roster. Only I'm doing it a bit different, hence it not actually being a UC. I didn't finish it, so don't feel bad if I didn't get to you. I will finish the list. Just remember, everything here is just my sole opinion. It means a grand total of jack and shit. No one is going to crave this shit onto your tombstone. Least I hope not.
* AXEL Action
You were having a great cycle, you really where, but I think for whatever reason you got off course. It's a reoccurring problem for you and I have no clue if it relates to your association with Varga are not. You just jump ship on gimmicks way too quickly at times. It seems like when you get real positive feedback, rather than continuing down that path you veer off course. I really enjoyed your work where AXEL was broken and at his lowest point, trying to climb his way back up. I felt it had so much for you to work with. Then boom, suddenly AXEL snaps. It just went sour at "An Eye for an Eye" segment for me. Now you look like you are putting AXEL on the shell for a while. Ideally if you are, you'll come back strong and stick with a plan. You've got a good head for wrestling, you really do, but I wonder how much you're willing to trust your own ideas and see them through to the end.
* Phil Atken
I like that Colin is trying to stick around and isn't just quitting because he didn't have time this week or so. The character is real strong when he's around, even if his credibility does leave a lot to be desired because of the busy real life of the handler. But honestly, given the comedic nature of the character, is that such a bad thing? If Colin is cool with Phil in his current role then I think Atken could be an extremely strong character for shows when he is able to appear. He's one step above NPCs, I'll admit that, but it is still way better than him quitting and rejoining every time Colin thinks he has enough time now. Stay on the roster, even with sporadic appearances, because with your talents as a comedy writer, when you do appear they are often very strong pieces.
* Bhava
I really hope this characters sticks around. It's just such an interesting dynamic and one I will be honest, I've wanted to try myself. There is a lot of opportunities for the character here. Just be willing to take your time, listen to people's advice, and never be afraid to contact people about segs or matches. No one here bites. Exact Leah. But yeah, Andy has a water bottle around here some place in case she does.
* Chris Bagwell
The fact that so many people want him to turn heel is a testament to how strong of a heel he really is. Face Bagwell has been nice, but nothing special. You've almost been a sidekick like character for Murray, and I can't imagine that if where you want to be. Heel Bagwell? He's on his own level. He perfected the cocky heel. I have to admit, at first I thought the character was too abrasive and needed to be toned down. The Movement is still a bad use of a stable that fell apart too easily. But, despite that, no one does heel better than Bagwell in GCW. Ideally we see more of that cocky bastard come out in working with Dan Black. If Shane can keep him face but work that persona back into the character? Gold. I'm talking some serious gold here. He's not the best writer, but Shane is one of the best showmen. Scratch that, the best showmen. It's just a matter of again finding a way to tap into that ability and use it. You've gone away from that by trying to tone it down too much. Bagwell is not, and should never be someone's second banana.
* Dan Black
It's real nice to see you back and I am really looking forward to your feud with Shane. However, with that said, I also hope you leave your comfort zone. Black really struggles for me because it's always the same faces and same interactions. While this feud with Bagwell is the best way to work him back into the show, he really needs to break off into his own. If he can't, he'll never be able to really take off. You seem like you still want to be the henchmen, when you have the potential to be a big player in the US title. But I can't see the Black that beat AXEL beating Valentine. You need to step it up if you want to progress from Bagwell to that.
* Donny Diamond
You are coming into your niche, and building a spot for yourself on the card that really fits well. This feud with Shaman has a lot of potential and should be great for both characters. I actually think it would benefit the character greatly to be able to turn this into a blood feud with Shaman. Think of how Shaman and Mayhem are. That is a blood feud. Yeah, when they feud it is intense and gory. But it works as well as it does because they feuded for so long. I can see Diamond and Shaman being similar in that nature. The characters just play off each other so well that there is no way a normal cycle can decide a winner. I just could not see one lie down and move on. But, with that said, this means you really need to challenge yourself as a handler and a storyteller to be able to keep something like that fresh and interesting. You need to really know your character and explore them deeply to pull this off. I think you can do that, but it is harder than you might think.
* Aaron Fujita
The character has basically fallen off since the feud with Shipley, which is disappointing. It seemed like it had potential, but unless the character has a revival, we'll never see that.
* Clyde Fox
Let me start off by saying congratulations and I'm sorry. Congratulations on really mastering your character and challenging yourself to improve each week. Clyde Fox should win Most Improved hands down no questions asked. You took a character most people saw as a Eugene that was never going to get past the mid card and could never be taken serious into a serious threat for the World title and a very likely top five finish in DG. You took all the feedback and infused it into what you are doing but managed to keep true to your character. Amazing job.
Now I'm sorry for the vast majority of the feedback I gave you. Looking back, I was dead wrong. You proved me wrong. I felt like you needed to change Clyde and that there was just something fundamentally wrong with the character. I wasn't the only one saying this, but I realize I often can have one of the loudest voices. While you took some of it to hard, you still kept Clyde Fox Clyde Fox. You took what we loved but evolved it (like a Pokemon). Clyde is still childish, still innocent (though rather perverted), but blends it into a wrestling style that catches people off guard in a believable manner that makes him such a threat to beat anyone.
However, with that said, I still think there is much room for improvement. You still have a bad habit of segging for no real purpose that hurt the character. Some segs are gems (the stuff with Tyrone), others not so much (the stuff with PAZUZU). I think this relates to another problem you have. You are hard to feud with. The Golden Star cycle was just real life being a bitch to everyone. But Clyde has been around almost three years now and the only real feuds I can remember him being involved in are Taylor, GBJ, Knight and Tessa Windsor. I don't know if you are a shy handler and are ify on approaching people about feuding, or if you think the staff is just going to place you into feuds and you should do your own thing if they don't. Whatever it is, it needs to change. Clyde is a great character being wasted by staying in his own little world. There is so many characters who could have a very interesting feud with Fox, if you just think outside the box on what a feud could be. If Murray and Fox are both going to gun for DG, why not feud over that? It doesn't have to be "rar, rar I'm going to beat you up". They could just make a game of it to see who could get a better push/more momentum going into DG. It would be a friendly feud, something different and refreshing that would really play to each other's strengths. Its just an idea. There is countless others out there with enough thought.
* Triumph Frost
Right now Frost has the best character for segs. You are in a great place with the Hardcore title. You seem to know what you are doing and how. The character is shooting upward in both popularity and heat. However, my big fear for this character is that it will go into "Seth" mode. This is where the character basically becomes a gimmick instead of an individual. You'll try too hard to by a funny heel who curses a lot and acts cool. While this was fresh and original when Seth did it with Sonny Silver, I have since seen it done roughly 4,376 times since then. Give or take. Don't become number 4,377 (give or take). From what I'm seeing, you aren't. You allow Frost to have weaknesses and use Alexis as a great secondary character. All in all, Alexis Frost is the best secondary character on the roster so big kudos to you on that. I look forward to the Hardcore title division, but I want to see how you'll also evolve and shape the character without turning into another rehashed and played out gimmick.
* T.A. Giles
Is he still around?
* Kimbusa
If GCW needs to improve in any area, it is the use of NPCs. I'm not sure if Kimbusa is a NPC, but he really needs to be because there is so much this character can add to each show or appearance. If we're not, then he needs to be taken off the roster. Regardless, GCW could stand to make better use of the NPCs we have so deliver full and rich shows. It's easily one of our weakest spots as a whole.
* Cheap Labor
Is he still around?
* Andy Murray
I can understand Murray taking himself out of the GCW spotlight to give others a chance to shine. His focus on DG helps sell the event itself, but I'm also left wondering if Andy isn't putting Murray on the backburner in GCW to focus on AWC/PRIME/PTC. That's a lot on a person's plate and while I don't think the quality of Murray's stuff has dropped too much, it has dropped. He comes off now very different than when he rose to the top and I have to be honest, I don't like it. The quality is still top notch. Everything he writes is still very well. But he's just being nonsensical in a manner that suggest more that he's busy elsewhere than he's just trying to be funny. I can't recall the last segment Murray was in that reminded me that this was the same character that was the longest reigning GCW champion and the guy that had a great war with Knight. The problem is the exact same as before Murray made his big push for the World title. You seem to have forgotten how to portray your character as a legit World title contender. He's lost his edge so to speak. Now I pretty much assume you are going to win DG. You are our best handler bar none. You are our best writer. You are insanely dedicated and to me have earned the DG win. But I hope in your quest to win, you regard that edge and the hunger. Maybe I'm wrong and you've had plenty of time for GCW and none of your extra stuff has effected you. Regardless, the Andy Murray you're writing now doesn't command the respect Murray did when he was World Champion. You've proven you can be very funny while still being our top face. So why did that change?
* Bryan Mayhem
You have said you are writing for yourself right now, doing what you enjoy. It shows. Mayhem has always been an up and down character and right now you are on an upward swing. Yeah, you just lost the belt, but it was growing stale. New feuds and new faces will greatly help Mayhem, so ideally we see that. But make no mistake about it, Mayhem is at his best when he's featured as the top monster of GCW. In order to do that, you have to work with us. You can't just keep disappearing for stretches and when you do make a sporadic appearance it doesn't fit format or style. You're not enduring yourself to anyone by blatantly ignoring the format. With Rob done you're the longest active roster member. You know how the shows are written. You know the style. You're not fooling anyone when you try to do your own thing, you just make people less willing to want to help put you over, and we need you to be put over because you are our best monster we have. GCW needs to be afraid of Mayhem, but you have to play ball.
* The Magnificent Messiah
Ideally we'll see a renewed effort from the handler here as the character looks really good. I think the segment with Murray this week showed a lot of promise, but it will all mean nothing if you can't stick around. Like Colin, you don't have to be every week. But you also need to establish your character and have him really defined.
* Rasa
You are doing an amazing job with the character. I really liked bringing in Zenith to help as a mic piece. It helps out both characters and answers a big question for Rasa. At first you was able to skate on by with the new gimmick, but now that it has worn off you are bringing in something to help move it forward. I think that shows real smarts on your part as the handler. The issue will be continuing to progression. I ideally think you should already have it mapped out on how you want to have Rasa unmasked. It doesn't have to be this year, or anytime soon. It could be next year's NC-17 for all I care. But there needs to be a well thought out plan so really make it huge. You'll have to leave it flexible and maybe even rewrite it, but all of that will depend on how smart of a handler you really are.
Also, on another note, your character is just fun to write as a match writer. The Tempest/Rasa match just worked so well for me because of the great dynamics, which were impressive considering they weren't feuding and had no real history. Other matchwriters have said similar things, so it is really nice to have a character like that on the roster. To be honest, I didn't think the character would work because it seemed like a gimmick that was only thinking in term of matches. But you've done a nice job of working the extras into the character while allowing a new challenge to match writers. We enjoy things like that, so thanks.
* Rediker
You suck you bum. Don't quit in a week or I'll bug you to proof read the next 100 Storm rps. Which will take me roughly 276 years to write.
* David Spencer
I love Fave, and I like David Spencer. He just doesn't have as much edge, which may be due to real life getting in the way. There is no way to correct that, but do make not that your character has suffered because of it and that you need to really have a plan on how to counteract it. Ideally I would love, love to see a Spencer/Valentine feud. I think they have a lot of unfinished business. Spencer took out Lia and Valentine never got revenge for it. But in order for that to be credible you need to regain that image.
* Jorge Samuelsson
With Andy bringing in that new character, do we still need this one?
* Shaman
Andy is one of our most dedicated handlers and really gives his best effort. We need more guys like him. His work with Donny is very interesting and looks to have a similar feel to that of his work with Mayhem. I also like that he's acknowledged his role with Shaman and seems to be a lot more comfortable with it. He use to make Shaman way too off the wall and it really dragged down the character. You also are not afraid to use secondary characters, which others could stand to do more often. However, you still haven't improved your actual writing skills. I get that it is hard, and things can prevent you from doing a second reading or spell check. But I really think you need to try and take pride in the things you post on the site and put forth your best effort. You have a great mind for brutal planning, but you can't lean on that to compensate for your weaknesses. The roleplay you posted against me shows you can do it. Its just a matter of doing it with consistence. Read over the stuff you've posted and ask yourself if that is how you want to present yourself to others? Ideally not. Do your planning and ideas justice and you will continue to see great results and feedback, I promise you. You just have to actually stick with it, even when it's hard.
* SurReal
* Tim Shipley
* Jay Terror
I love this new ruthless streak in Terror. As a matchwriter, it is insanely fun whole much stuff I feel I can do. Not enough characters just cut it loose, so it is a blast when I get a chance to feel like nothing is off limits. There was also a moment during your segment with Shipley where Terror came off as the veteran heel. I loved that. We need more of it. Like it or not, Terror is one of the most established and known characters on the roster. Too often you write him like he's still trying to find his footing in GCW, but given how quick-pace it is, I feel you need to let the character mature into a more confident heel who will look down on newbies. You're matches have also gotten much better, but at times I think you try to incorporate feedback into it too much and you lose your style. You have a unique voice as a writer, and you need to apply that to your matches. There is no reason you can't write them as if you were writing a roleplay. The structure is just different, but even then you can always experiment with different match structures to find your voice. That's another point. Experiment. You have a set direction you want to take Terror, and I like that. But you don't always give your character enough breathing room. It restricts you. Terror should, by all accounts, have been the top heel ever since he's joined the Establishment. But you've never opened him up and gone all out to actually be that top heel. This new ruthless bit is a great start, but it can't just apply to matches. I have something I'll be doing this week that I think is a great example of what I mean (don't want to give away any spoilers), but I just think if you allowed Jay Terror free reign as a heel, you would pull off some amazing stuff.
Also, quick note. Jay Terror is in a very interesting hole right now. He's a great fighter, but he's not a wrestler. He's been on a tough stretch and that seems to be making him realize he can't keep trying to same thing, he's got to adjust. I want to see that played up more. Terror can't beat elite wrestlers with simply average skills and a great fighting instinct. I have no clue how you would play that up in a roleplay, but as a reader, it actually makes him richer in that he's a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. He's not a wrestler, but is one of the top guys in a wrestling promotion. He does not fit in with the Shipleys, Storms, Valentines, and Windsors who specialize in a set of wrestling disciplines. It also seems like he realizes this and is trying to adjust for it but doesn't know how. This could be adding to his frustrations. I dunno, maybe I'm reading too deep, but it really is making this character whole. As I pointed out in the WorldWide feedback, weaknesses are just as much of a character as strengths and we need to see them played up more. Like Frost, you aren't afraid to show Terror's weaknesses and that is great. You just need to also allow your character to be free and stop trying to work in everyone's feedback. Well, ok, work in this feedback about not working in other's feedback. Don't not work this feedback in and continue to work others feedback in because I said not to work feedback in. Or something. I dunno, I think I just gave myself a headache.
* Tempest
* Vivica J. Valentine
* Tessa Windsor
Alright it's past 1 in the morning so I'm going to have to call it quits for now. I'll try to finish this tomorrow.
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